Tuesday, December 9, 2014

My Christmas List

Dear Santa,

I've been a pretty good boy this year. I tried to be a gentleman on the course. I repaired my ball marks and divots. I didn't throw any clubs. I only cursed under my breath.  I didn't even pee in the bushes all year long. 

I have a short wish list for you:

1. I am actually happy with all of my golf clubs, so like past years, I am not asking for a new set of clubs.  I would, however, like the confidence to hit my 4 iron without worrying about pulling it 40 yards left. 

2. Can you do anything about extending daylight saving time?  All I ask for is a chance to play 9 after work in the winter. And if you can keep the snow up north, even better.

3. I'm all out of sunflower seeds.  I prefer these: http://www.davidseeds.com

4. If possible, I would like my home course to cut the fairway wider on the 7th hole.  I'm having a really hard time with it.  And while they're at it, see if they'll flatten out the green on number 5.

5. I did lose 2 small items on the course this past year: a perfectly good head cover and a scorecard holder.  These are cheap  However, they are low priority. 

6. Finally, I would like to ask you to consider sending me a caddie.  Your smallest elf will do fine.  I'll carry my own clubs.  He can ride on my shoulders if necessary.  I will even accept a mechanical doll if he comes pre-programmed to say three things at the appropriate times:
  • "You do not hit your sand wedge as far as you think you do."
  • "Focus on what you are trying to do right now, dummy."
  • "You can't hit it over the trees.  Or through them." 
I hope this isn't asking for too much.  I also like Transformers and Nintendo games.

Merry Christmas,