I've been a pretty good boy this year. I tried to be a gentleman on the course. I repaired my ball marks and divots. I didn't throw any clubs. I only cursed under my breath. I didn't even pee in the bushes all year long.
I have a short wish list for you:
1. I am actually happy with all of my golf clubs, so like past years, I am not asking for a new set of clubs. I would, however, like the confidence to hit my 4 iron without worrying about pulling it 40 yards left.
2. Can you do anything about extending daylight saving time? All I ask for is a chance to play 9 after work in the winter. And if you can keep the snow up north, even better.
3. I'm all out of sunflower seeds. I prefer these: http://www.davidseeds.com
4. If possible, I would like my home course to cut the fairway wider on the 7th hole. I'm having a really hard time with it. And while they're at it, see if they'll flatten out the green on number 5.
5. I did lose 2 small items on the course this past year: a perfectly good head cover and a scorecard holder. These are cheap However, they are low priority.
6. Finally, I would like to ask you to consider sending me a caddie. Your smallest elf will do fine. I'll carry my own clubs. He can ride on my shoulders if necessary. I will even accept a mechanical doll if he comes pre-programmed to say three things at the appropriate times:
- "You do not hit your sand wedge as far as you think you do."
- "Focus on what you are trying to do right now, dummy."
- "You can't hit it over the trees. Or through them."